Thursday, October 30, 2008

feeling better

thank you to everyone for the kind words and messages, they are truly appreciated.

I'm feeling better, getting some strength back and pretty much painfree (knock on wood). My first day back to work was yesterday. made it about five hours which I think is pretty dang good considering.

Today was good too, came home around 4:15 bummed around with the midgets for dinner, then took dd trick-o'-treating after her dance class. we hit about 8 houses, it felt good to get out for a nice slow recuperative walk, the weather was crisp and sunny, nice fall day.

My mom has been helping out tons around the house and with the kids, seriously don't know how the woman does it but very grateful none the less.

I did pick up the knit needles again on Sunday. Currently working on a multi-directional scarf made from my hand-dyed worsted yarn (harlot colorway). Once it's finished I'll try to get some photos up.

Other than that I'm kinda boring :)

Saturday, October 25, 2008

it makes sense now...

I figured I should blog since I've been missing in action for awhile now. As mentioned earlier I've been fighting an insane amount of fatigue lately.

Well the last month or so has been bad enough to prevent me from crafting daily and generally taking care of my family duties.

There have been good weeks here and there so I could catch up on some stuff. My life was basically spinning out of control though and apparently needed to be recalibrated before I completely crashed or lost my job from being too tired to do things properly/on time.

That recalibration came on Thursday and also kinda explains why I've felt miserable the month or so.

We found out we were pregnant last Saturday, I was relieved a little because it explained the extreme fatigue and the more intense cramping I'd been having on my left side. (I was thinking this was just my progesterone replacement therapy going wrong).

Monday morning started off fine, my stress levels where down, my brain and body where on the upswing from crashing the weeks prior. Tuesday went okay, a little more achy and worn out and but still clear brain and more productive than I'd been in awhile.

By Wednesday I started to really slow down, brain still clear, but plain worn out hoping Friday would come soon. I figured the stress was finally kicking in or I'd been doing to much. Went to Friend's house for a few hours and just talked, this eased my nerves about having another high risk pregnancy, but left me exhausted.

By Thursday morning I just wanted to stay home, just didn't feel good. Went into work late, spent a good chunk of the morning making personal calls to line up an OB or set up other things with hubby. Started fidgeting in my chair about 10 with a sore tailbone and left side cramping, by noon I figured it was time to go to the ER because again things didn't feel right.

From there I can save the long details from the last few days as the ending is kinda inevitable. We lost the baby. It was an ectopic pregnancy from the get go, which is why I had been not feeling right about the pregnancy and feeling so crumby.

I had the most wonderful doctors and nurses caring for me, they kept us informed, layed out all the options, and took special care to make sure I was as comfortable as I could be. They made a worst case scenario so much easier to deal with and I will always be grateful for that.

My husband, family and friends have been amazing and comforting. The whole experience is still surreal and not completely sunken in yet but I will be okay.

We weren't planning for this baby, it surprised us and then surprised us again but I am grateful things turned out as well as they could have and also so thankful for the support from everyone around me.